Time Dies
by XXforget-x-me-x-notXX
Summary: Kenny has never been lucky. His friends ignore him, his family doesn't care about him, and frankly, he hardly cares about himself. He even wishes that he'd just finally die- actually die- and not come back. So he takes matters into his own hands.
1. Carry Me Down

**Random and slightly pointless introduction:** If you've read my stories "Till It's Gone" and "Sadness Flies Away," you'll know what this is about. Except this time, it's about Kenny.

**Warning: **Some swearing, gory-ish moments, and suicidal themes.

Review, please!! ^_^

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_**And if you see me losing ground**_

__I threw on my white v-neck t-shirt and pulled on my old orange hoodie. My faded black jeans were torn in several places, and my black fake Converse shoes were about to fall apart completely. I ran my fingers through my hair and grabbed my backpack that was full of homework I hadn't done.

_**Don't be afraid to lie**_

A sigh escaped my lips and I hurried down the stairs to go to another boring and useless day of high school.

_**I know the pain inside my heart can't break the fear inside of yours**_

__I don't even get why I have to go to school. It's not like I'll ever amount to anything anyway. I'm just some poor, white-trash, unlucky kid with no talents or passions. Honestly, what's the point in anyone taking any interest in me? I'm nothing important.

_**And if you see me losing faith**_

__I bet that if I disappeared, no one would feel any loss at all.

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_**In what it means to die**_

__I missed the damn bus. Again. That's probably the tenth time this month. Can't I do anything right?

_**Don't let me leave before I know what lies behind the stained glass doors**_

__I wonder if Kyle, Stan and Cartman even noticed I wasn't there. I highly doubt they did. I've always just sort of faded into the background for them. When we were kids and I still died almost every single day, they never hesitated to replace me or forget I had even been there in the first place. I was never good enough to be in the center of the stage.

_**Save sorrow for the souls in doubt**_

__I sighed and watched a cloud of my warm breath swirl in the air. I wonder how many people actually care about me. I could argue that I was Cartman's best friend, he told me so in fourth grade, and that had to be one of the nicest thing he'd ever said to anyone.

_**Bleed every care out**_

__But I'm not his best friend. Not anymore, anyway. Even though he's never said it out loud, it's clear that Butters is his best friend.

_**Will you carry me down the aisle that final day?**_

__I never really realized how fucking _pathetic _that is. Even _Eric Cartman _can have a best friend, but I can't even make the smallest mark on someone's life. I'm replaceable. I'm just the fourth member of the group. Anyone can take that place. I'm nothing special. Just another kid that happens to hang around them.

_**With your tears and cold hands shaking from the weight**_

__Every time I die, all I ever got was Stan yelling: "Oh my God! They killed Kenny!" followed by Kyle's "You bastards!". Over time, even that stopped. I'd die a gruesome and painful death, but they wouldn't so much as glance my way. Because I wasn't worth the fucking effort.

_**When you lower me down beneath that sky of gray**_

__My parents couldn't care less about me either. They come home too drunk to remember my name. If I finally die for good, my brother would probably take the opportunity to take my room. My friends might not even notice that I didn't come back, let alone care.

_**Let the rain fall down and wash away your pain**_

__I turned to see the high school next to me. I walked inside, painfully aware of the echo of my shoes against the hard floor. It was always eerie when there was no one else in the hallways. It felt so empty, so quiet, so peaceful. That isn't something anyone in South Park is very used to.

_**For every word we never spoke**_

__Then the bell rang. It sounded like a mix between a dying animal, a screaming child, and a phone ringing. People crowded into the halls and shoved their books into their lockers. I guess it's break. I must've taken a really long time to walk here- or a really long time to wake up- if I've already missed two periods.

_**We have a tear to cry**_

__I weaved my way through the thick crowd until I got to the stairs where my friends and I hung out at breaks. Cartman, Kyle, and Stan sat together on various different steps, talking animatedly to each other. I sighed and walked over dropping my bag near them and sitting on the second to lowest stair.

_**For every silence like a wall between a better you and I**_

__"Hey," I greeted, not really expecting an actual response.

_**So if you see me losing sight**_

__"Hey, po' boy," Cartman replied with a stupid grin. I just rolled my eyes. I've learned to completely ignore that asshole.

_**Of all the death in life**_

__Kyle and Stan both glanced my way to acknowledge that I was there, but other than that, I got no attention from them. They all just kept talking to each other, as I stared at the ground and blocked their voices as much as I could.

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_**You'll find the peace in every time I failed to see the death in mine**_

__I skipped last period and just went straight home. I went all day only talking to a few people, saying almost nothing the few times I did speak. And this is a normal, ordinary day for me.

_**Let all the fear inside you drown**_

__Except for one thing. I'm going to kill myself.

_**Tear out the blade and lay it down**_

__I've written all the letters. One marked _Stan_, one marked _Kyle, _one marked _Cartman, _and one marked _Butters. _

_**Save sorrow for the souls in doubt**_

__I've thought out the whole plan, and I've sorted through my things.

_**Bleed every care out**_

__I'm finally going to be free.

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_**Will you carry me down the aisle that final day?**_

__At eleven o'clock at night, I left my house in the dark. I didn't even bother trying to sneak out because my parents were beyond passed out from all the alcohol they had.

_**With your tears and cold hands shaking from the weight**_

__My heart pounding, I slowly walked to Butters' house. The lights were off, and it was completely silent. I opened the mailbox, and slid the white envelope in before slowly walking away.

_**When you lower me down beneath that sky of gray**_

__I've never realized how peaceful and quiet South Park is when no one's awake. Normally, there's at least one drunk person stumbling around, knocking over trash cans and yelling random stuff. But not tonight. Tonight there is no one but me.

_**Let the rain fall down and wash away your pain**_

__I got the Stan's house next, just in time to see the light in his room go off. I sighed heavily and put his letter in the mailbox. I took one last look at the house and then walked in the direction of Kyle's house without looking back.

_**Oh, the blood is rushing out**_

__Kyle's house was as quiet as Butters'. No surprise there. The two of them have the strictest parents I know. I slipped the Kyle's letter into his mailbox and hurried away in the general direction of where Cartman lived.

_**Oh, I'm better off without**_

__I let my mind wander as a walked the dark streets. Houses loomed over me, blocking out the moonlight. I wondered about what would happen tomorrow. Would everyone just dismiss my death by saying that it's just Kenny, he'll be back soon? Or would they understand that I'm finally not coming back?

_**Oh, the walls are closing in**_

__"Kenny?" a voice said, shaking my thoughts away. I cringed. I didn't want to see anyone, much less talk to anyone.

_**Oh, sing for me again**_

__I looked up and saw Cartman sitting on the steps of his house. He was holding a bottle of vodka and a cigarette. There were dark bags under his empty brown eyes. "Cartman? What are you doing?"

_**Will you carry me down the aisle that final day?**_

__He gave a cold chuckle. "I could ask you the same thing, poor boy. At least I'm in front of my own house."

_**With your tears and cold hands shaking from the weight**_

__I rolled my eyes. "Actually, I had something to give you." I walked up to him and held out the letter.

_**When you lower me down beneath that sky of gray**_

__He rose one eyebrow at me and took the letter from me. He tore it open, and I swiftly walked back to my house. I didn't want to see his reaction. I was scared. Not scared it would hurt him, but scared it wouldn't matter. I'd rather die in hope that he'd care that die knowing he's just laughing like it's some sick inside joke.

_**Let the rain fall down and wash away your pain**_

__I grabbed a knife from my kitchen and walked upstairs to the bathroom. My knees were trembling as I dragged myself there.

_**Will you carry me down the aisle that final day?**_

__I glanced at my face in the mirror. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I hadn't noticed I was crying. How long had I been crying? Was I crying when I handed the letter to Cartman? Why does it matter?

_**With your tears and cold hands shaking from the weight**_

__I took a deep breath and put the knife to my wrist. I was shaking. I closed my eyes and sliced open my skin. I hardly felt it. After all the pain I've been through, this was nothing.

_**When you lower me down beneath that sky of gray**_

__I cut open my wrist again. And again. And again. And again, until I was covered in blood, cuts all over both my arms, the red liquid gushing out of my deep gashes.

_**Let the rain fall down and wash away your pain... **_

__The world started to become blurry, until all I could see was red. Then the red faded into black, and I didn't even feel myself hit the floor. I was enveloped in darkness, and then I was gone. Just like that.


	2. Hear You Me

**Random and slightly pointless introduction: **Here's chapter two, told by Cartman's POV. Now, I'm aware that he isn't very Cartman-like here. Well, he has to have some sort of nice side to him, right? And he did once tell Kenny he was his best friend!! (See **Kenny Dies **in season 5)

Anyway, this song is called "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World. I think it fits fairly well, I encourage you to read the lyrics and listen to the song. I know usually people don't actually read the song lyrics in songfic like things (I do it accidently) but I really think this song is worth it. This is just my opinion, but I really think it's a good song, for this chapter and just in general.

**Warning: **Swearing and suicide.

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_**There's no one in town I know**_

__I took the letter from Kenny's hand, glancing up at him suspiciously. The moment I ripped it open, he briskly walk away in the direction of his house. I watched him leave, completely confused, until he was out of sight.

_**You gave us some place to go**_

__I turned my attention back to the letter. What did Kenny have to say that he couldn't just tell me in person? I pulled out the paper and began reading.

_**I never said thank you for that**_

___Hey, Eric_

_**I thought I might get one more chance**_

___So you're probably wondering why you're getting this letter from me, right?_

_**What would you think of me now?**_

___Well, this, my friend, happens to be a suicide letter._

_**So lucky, so strong, so proud**_

___I know my deaths don't mean anything to you, or to anyone for that matter. Trust me, I know._

_**I never said thank you for that**_

___But this time, I'm finally not coming back. _

_**Now I'll never have a chance**_

___Do you have any idea how hard it is to be me, Eric? Pain is the biggest part of my life. I've died and come back to life too many times to count. If I so much as walk in my house, there's a slim chance I won't get hit in the head with a flying object. _

_**May angels lead you in**_

___No one cares about me, either. You don't. Kyle doesn't. Stan doesn't. My family sure as hell don't. I'm alone, I've always been alone, and I'm fucking sick of it. You're probably hating the whole "alone and no one cares" thing. Emo shit, right? Leave that for the Goth kids, right? I know, I know, I hate it, too. But this time, it's all true._

_**Hear you me, my friends**_

___Don't misunderstand, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm just not that kind of person, and you know that. I'm not self-pitying, and I don't want to live to see the day where I am. _

_**On sleepless roads the sleepless go**_

___You don't want to hear anything else about the reasons why. I know, I'm just as tired of it as you._

_**May angels lead you in**_

___But bear with me, Eric, I really don't have all that much to say. Just a few more things, and I'll be out of your life for good. Don't worry._

_**And what would you think of me now?**_

___Remember that time you told me I was your best friend? I'm sure you don't remember. But I do. I was so happy that someone finally told me that they cared. I told you were my best friend, too, and I meant it. _

_**So lucky, so strong, so proud**_

___But you didn't. You never meant it. _

_**I never said thank you for that**_

___It hurts to know that the one person I ever thought of as a true best friend never gave a shit about me. I hate caring about people that don't care about me, and it always happens that way._

_**Now I'll never have a chance**_

___Just my luck, I guess, right? Just my damn luck. _

_**May angels lead you in**_

___In case you were wondering, you're still my best friend. Or the closest thing I could get to one. I could never tell you that, because I know you'd laugh. Or something. You wouldn't take me seriously. I'd prefer keeping my tiny bits of hope that somewhere deep down, you really did care. I guess I can just never let go of the idea of someone caring. Stupid, right?_

_**Hear you me, my friends**_

___I guess there's not much more to say, Eric. I'm sorry that we couldn't have become closer. Who knows, maybe we could've become as close as Kyle and Stan. _

_**On sleepless roads the sleepless go.**_

___That's my one regret. Never having a real friend. One I could talk to, one I could relate to, and one who would stop me from doing this._

_**May angels lead you in**_

___No one will stop me. I'm dying tonight, and no one will know until tomorrow afternoon, when my parents finally decide to check on me... Maybe later than that, actually. _

_**May angels lead you in**_

___Well, that's it. I'm glad I knew you, Eric. I wish you had taken the time to know me. _

_**May angels lead you in**_

___See you on the other side._

_**And if you were with me tonight**_

___Kenny_

_**I'd sing to you just one more time**_

__My hand started shaking vigorously. I stared at the paper for a really long time. I reread, wondering if I'd missed something. Then I read again. And again. Was this a joke?

_**A song for a heart so big**_

__I read it one last time before the words finally sunk in.

_**God couldn't let it live**_

__I froze, and my blood ran cold. Kenny is... Oh. My. God. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't blink.

_**May angels lead you in**_

Finally, I snapped out it. I ran. I ran in the direction of Kenny's house, as fast as I possibly could. Wind blew viciously through my hair and against my skin. I was panting, beads of sweat were rolling down from my forehead, but I ignored it. I needed to get to Kenny, before...

_**Hear you me, my friends**_

__I can't even think about it. I just have to get there. I _have _to.

_**On sleepless roads the sleepless go**_

I got to the door of Kenny's house, slamming my fist against it repeatedly. "Hello!!" I shouted, my hand throbbing. But the pain didn't stop me from continuing to pound it against the hard wood.

_**May angels lead you in**_

__I growled, cradling my hurt hand. How could that not have woken someone up?

_**May angels lead you in**_

__I kicked down the door and ran up to Kenny's room. "Kenny!" I called frantically. "Are you okay? Where are you?"

_**Hear you me, my friends**_

__My gaze flickered around the room in a desperate panic. Nothing. There was no one there. "Kenny!" I yelled again, not caring if I woke anyone up.

_**On sleepless roads the sleepless go**_

__I ran around the house until I got to the bathroom. I stopped dead in my tracks, my eyes wide, and my heartbeat echoing in my ears. "No..."

_**May angels lead you in**_

__Kenny was there. His body was collapsed on the cold floor, and a knife was right beside him. Cuts covered his arms, and he was in a pool of his own blood. His eyes were closed, and his face was pale with death. I reached down and touched his neck, still hopeful for a pulse. Nothing. I withdrew my hand, bringing it to my face. Tears escaped my eyes.

_**May angels lead you in**_

__Kenny was gone. I was too late. It was over. It was all over... And it was my fault. I'm to blame.


	3. Last Time

**Random and slightly pointless introduction: **WARNING! WARNING!! This is likely the WORST chapter of the entire fanfiction. Sorry. And sorry it took so long. But here it is. In all its suckish glory. Enjoy!!

Song: Last Time by Secondhand Serenade. Again, sorry, I couldn't find anything better...

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_

_**I'm stuck with writing songs**_

__I woke up, just like usual. I got dressed, went downstairs, and read the paper as I ate my cereal, just like usual. Then I grabbed my backpack, said by to my family, and walked out the door .Just like usual.

_**Just to forget what they really were about**_

__Before I left for school, I would always check the mail. Often, the mailman would be late and the mail wouldn't come until lunch, but sometimes, the mail would be there. So today, just like usual, I went and I opened the mailbox.

_**And these words are bringing me so deeply insane**_

__There was just a single letter sitting there. My first thought was that someone had missed a bill or something from yesterday. So I pulled it out gently to look at it.

_**That I don't think I can take my way out**_

__I saw my name written on it, with nothing else. Just my name.

_**I couldn't breathe through it**_

__I looked around cautiously and tentatively ripped it open.

_**Like I need to and the words don't mean a thing**_

___Hey, Kyle!_

_**So I'll sing this song to you**_

___You're probably really suspicious right now, but calm down. _

_**For the last time**_

___In case you were wondering, this lovely little letter is from Kenny. It's also the last you'll ever hear from me. _

_**And my heart is torn in two**_

___That's right, this is a suicide letter. Sorry. _

_**Thinking of days spent without you**_

___Okay, here's the thing. I don't really know if you'll care, and I don't really know if you'll notice I'm gone. I've never really understood how you felt about me. Our friendship is really just based on those few times when Stan wasn't there and Cartman wasn't completely pissing you off. _

_**And there is nothing left to prove**_

___I don't really know what those few times meant to you, but let me tell you this. It meant a lot to me. Cartman was always my best friend, you know that, but he wasn't much fun to talk to. But you listened, and you seemed to care. I liked how easy it was to talk to you. _

_**I'm counting all the things I could have done**_

___I remember one time in particular. Stan was on a trip for two weeks, and Cartman was trying to get money from Craig while torturing Butters, so it was just you and me. I was having one of the worst weeks of my life. My parents were fighting so much that my mom walked out on me and my dad, taking Kevin with her. So not only did she choose my brother over me and leave me with some drunk that didn't give a shit about me, but she also took away the only person in the house that I could talk to. _

_**To make you see**_

___Anyway, I was feeling pretty terrible that day, to sum it up. And you gave me this look... I can't really describe it, Kyle. It's just this knowing look you give. And then you asked me if everything was alright. _

_**That I wanted us to be what I go to sleep and dream of**_

___I can't tell you just how caught off guard I was. No one asks me that. Ever. No one cares if I'm alright or not. I remember not responding for maybe two minutes or something. Yeah, I was that surprised. I just didn't really know how to respond either. _

_**I want you to know that I'd die for you**_

___But then I just smiled and said yeah. Not because everything was alright, but because I didn't want to bore you with my problems. You narrowed your eyes at me, and just simply said "You're lying." _

_**I'd die for you**_

___Nothing happened after that, I didn't reply, and you let it go. _

_**I couldn't breathe through it**_

___Fuck, I feel like an idiot. You probably don't remember this at all. You probably didn't care that day. That moment was nothing special to you, I bet. But, of course, since I'm a complete loser, it meant a lot to me. _

_**Like I need to and the words don't mean a thing**_

___Look, Kyle, I don't expect a thing from you, or anyone else. I'm not blaming you for my suicide, that's for sure, and I'm not here to tell you how much my life sucked, even though it did. I just wanted to be the one to tell you what happened. I just didn't want you to find out through some crap assembly at school. _

_**So I'll sing this song to you**_

___So, now you know. Kenny's finally dead. _

_**For the last time**_

___I guess that's all I really have to say. I know I never told you this when I was alive, but I love you, dude. You're one of my best friends, honestly. I know I probably didn't have that much of an effect on your life, but I just want you to know that you affected my life. _

_**And my heart is torn in two**_

___So, I guess this is goodbye. See you on the other side. _

_**Thinking of the days spent without you**_

___Hope you have a great life. _

_**And there's nothing left to prove**_

___Also hope to not see you soon. _

_**And if you are alone**_

___Good luck._

_**Make sure you're not lonely**_

___Sincerely, _

_ Kenny McCormick_

_**Cause if you are, I blame myself**_

__I stared at the paper for a while, rereading every word, over and over.

_**For never being home**_

__"Kyle, Bubbe, what are you doing?" I heard my mother's shrill voice say from behind me. "You've been out there for hours. You're incredibly late for school!"

_**I know I'm not the only one**_

__I didn't reply, and just slowly and lifelessly walked in the direction of school.

_**Who will treat you like they should**_

__I was too much in shock to do anything, really. It's like what happens when someone gets badly injured. A rush or adrenaline and then... they're completely numb.

_**Like you deserve**_

__But all that wore off when I got to the high school. I just crumbled onto the stairs, in tears. Kenny had committed suicide.

_**I'm stuck with writing songs**_

__I was just regretting everything... Why wasn't I nicer? Why hadn't I tried to spend more time with him?

_**Just to forget**_

__He was an amazing person, a great friend. He did so much for me, Stan and Cartman... He never asked for anything in return.

_**So I'll sing this song to you**_

__And yet just me asking if he was alright affected him? It doesn't make sense to me... It took so little to make him happy, and so much to make him unhappy...

_**For the last time**_

__I've never met anyone like him, and I never will again. He was more than just one in a million.

_**And my heart is torn in two**_

__I just wish I had acknowledged that when he was still alive...

_**Thinking of the days spent without you**_

__I crumbled farther into my grief. I clung to the pole that held the railing up, hugging it close, wrapping myself around it on the bottom step. I cried loudly, shamelessly. One of my best friends had just died.

_**And there is nothing**_

__Tears streamed down my face, and I wondered what Kenny had been thinking when he was writing that letter.

_**Left to prove**_

__Was he thinking about how he was going to die forever? Or was he thinking about how I would feel? Was he wondering what would happen after his death? Did he think I'd care?

_**There is nothing, there is nothing, there is nothing**_

__I wish I could go through all the pain he's ever gone through. Just so I could understand how he felt... I wish I was in his place, so he didn't have to be.

_**Left to prove**_

__Goodbye, Kenny. You were a great friend.


	4. Winter

**Random and slightly pointless introduction: **Hey so guess what! I haven't died! After a lot of laziness and a lot of writer's block, I finally bring you... Stan's chapter. Sorry it took so long, and sorry it's not worth the wait (better than Kyle's chapter, though, in my opinion.)

Song: Winter by Bayside. I quite like this song, actually.

_**When winter falls next year**_

__I rolled out of bed slowly, pulling part of the covers with me. I lay on the floor for maybe five minutes before getting up and getting ready. I checked the clock, realizing that if I didn't leave now, I'd be late. So I ran downstairs, grabbed an apple and started to leave.

_**I'll be holding on to anything nailed down**_

__"Oh, Stan," my mother said. "you got a letter." She waved around a little envelope.

_**As for being patient**_

__I bit into the apple. It tasted disgusting. "Oh? Who's it from?"

_**With fate and all it's getting old**_

__"I don't know. It doesn't say." She showed it to me. It just had my name written on it.

_**And my mind is slowly changing**_

__"Sketchy," I replied, grabbing the envelope and walking to the door. "Bye, mom!"

_**I'm calling all my oldest friends**_

__I got to the bus stop, and saw something strange. It was just Cartman. No Kenny, No Kyle. And I was frequently the latest one. I never got there before Kyle.

_**Saying sorry for this mess we're in**_

__I got closer, and it just got weirder. Cartman stood silently, his head down. Wait, was he crying? A little drop slipping from his nose answered that question before falling and making a little dent in the snow.

_**And I'm waiting, waiting**_

__"Cartman?" I asked. "Are you okay?"

_**For the sun to come and melt this snow**_

__He didn't seem to hear me, so I placed a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. "Dude, are you alright?"

_**Wash away the pain **_

__"I'm fine," he said without looking up, his voice cracking.

_**And give me back control, control**_

__And with that, I decided to let it go. The bus just got here anyway.

_**An angel got his wings **_

__I sat in my third period class, bored out of my mind. I remembered the letter and pulled it out. Might as well read it. I don't have anything better to do.

_**And we'll hold our heads up**_

___Hey Stan,_

_**Knowing that he's fine**_

___This is Kenny, in case you were wondering. _

_**We'd all be lucky **_

___So there are only a handful of people and things that I truly admire. You, my friend, are one of them. _

_**To have a love like that in a lifetime**_

___Ever since we were little, I've always wanted to be like you. I never tried, because I knew I'd fail. I could never be the nice, funny, caring, good-natured, sensitive, and generous guy that you are. But you can do it so easily. You were just always such a good person, to everyone. _

_**Should we still set his plate? **_

___I never could even come close to being like you. It was kind of sad, really, especially when we were little. I'd always be waiting for the moment where you wanted to hang out with me, just me, so I could get closer to you. But that never happened. _

_**Should we still save his chair? **_

___I'm sure you're wondering why I'm saying all of this. Well, the truth is, I never could say it to you, because I was too embarrassed about it. But that's not really a problem anymore, because by the time you read this, I'll be dead. _

_**Should we still buy him gifts? **_

__I stopped reading, and my heart starting beating really hard. Like, you know how if you do something really bad or something, and then someone catches you, you start feeling sick and really guilty and your heart starts beating so much that you're shaking and sweating? That's how I felt.

_**And if we don't, did we not care? **_

__I rose my hand tentatively and swallowed nervously. "What, Stan?" the teacher said.

_**It makes you think **_

__"I, um, I'm not feeling well... I just... I just, um, have to go to the nurse and lie down or som- or something..." I stuttered, tripping over all of my words.

_**About the life you've led**_

__"Okay, Stan-" the teacher started to say, but I was already out the door.

_**The shit you've done**_

__I slipped down the hall, and sat down against my locker, looking back at the letter.

_**The things you've said **_

___But that's not really a problem anymore, because by the time you read this, I'll be dead. _

_**And its grounding, grounding.**_

__I had a sinking feeling in my stomach as I continued reading.

_**I've been feeling 3 feet tall this month**_

___Yeah, yeah, you got a suicide letter. How dramatic of me, I know. _

_**Hardly indestructible**_

__A suicide letter. Is this a joke? It can't be a suicide letter. This is _Kenny._

_**But the snow melts **_

___I know it'll be hard for you to take this seriously, Stan. I just want to say that that kind of hurts me._

_**And the rhythm still goes on**_

___Stan, the reason you won't be able to take this letter seriously,and you'll keep saying to yourself, no, no it's Kenny, well, the reason isn't that you're in denial, which is what you'll be saying to yourself once you accept this letter._

_**An angel got his wings **_

___I'll tell you what the reason is: I'm Kenny. You don't think of me as a person who can feel, who can die, who can live, who can cry. I'm just... Kenny. _

_**And we'll hold our heads up**_

___If I can't die, I can't live. If I'm always being hurt, I've lost the ability to feel pain. You and Kyle and Cartman have always sort of thought that. Well, Stan, it's complete crap. _

_**Knowing that he's fine**_

__I started to feel panicked, and I folded up the letter and slipped it into my pocket. If these really were Kenny's last words, I wanted to save them.

_**We'd all be lucky **_

__That's when the bell rang. I leapt up and ran to Cartman's locker, which was pretty far away. Flushed and out of breath, I got there right as Cartman was heading to lunch. "Cartman!" I called out, panting a little.

_**To have a love like that in a lifetime**_

__Cartman turned to me, his eyes sunken and empty. "What the hell do you want?" he muttered.

_**Friends stay side by side**_

__I breathed heavily for a moment. "Whe-where's Kenny?"

_**In life and death **_

__Cartman looked taken aback, and I could've sworn I saw his eyes water for a moment before he turned away. "Kenny's gone." His voice didn't crack, so maybe I imagined the tears.

_**You've always stole my heart**_

__"Gone?" I called after him as he walked away from me.

_**You'll always mean so much to me **_

__"Yeah," he called back coldly.

_**It's hard to believe this**_

__I was frozen. It took me minute to realize I'd forgotten to breathe.

_**These nights in vans**_

__No. No. This is Kenny. He's not gone. He'll come back.

_**These nights in bars **_

__He _always _comes back.

_**Don't mean a thing with empty hearts**_

__He has to come back. By the time I finish the letter, he'll be standing in front of my with his goofy smile, saying, come on, you didn't really believe that shit, did you?

_**With empty hearts**_

__I pulled out the letter.

_**An angel got his wings **_

___I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be giving you reasons to blame yourself, since it's not you fault at all. If anyone could twist these words I'm writing to make it their fault I'm dead, it's you, Stan. Honestly._

_**And we'll hold our heads up, **_

___Anyway, I'm not sure what else I need to say to you. I could go on for pages about how my life is complete and utter crap, and how I have nothing to live for, and how no one give two shits about me, but wouldn't that make me a whiny little bitch?_

_**Knowing that he's fine**_

___This is so frustrating. I don't want to be remembered like this. _

_**We'd all be lucky **_

___I don't want to be remembered as the person who wrote this letter. I know that's how this is going to go, but still. I don't want this letter to define how you remember me, Stan. _

_**To have a love like that in a lifetime. **_

___Nothing I can do about it. Nothing you can do about it either. _

_**Friends stay side by side **_

_ God, I'm rambling so much! This is harder than I thought. Signing my death certificate with letters to you guys, that is. It's hard. _

_**In life and death **_

___There's nothing left to say. _

_**You always stole my heart**_

___I'm sorry, Stan._

_**You've always meant so much to me **_

_Goodbye._

_**It's hard to believe**_

_Kenny_

_**So much to me **_

I looked up. Kenny wasn't there to tell me how stupid I am for believing this letter.

_**It's hard to believe**_

__He wasn't there to notice my tears and smile and apologize for going to far with this prank.

_**So much to me **_

__He just... wasn't there.

_**It's hard to believe this**_

And that hurt more than I could ever imagine.


End file.
